Group Chats of Hogwarts
by thewaterfalcon
Summary: The inhabitants of Hogwarts react to the installation of the new IM service.
1. 1 - HARRY HERMIONE RON GINNY

A/N This was inspired by my girl Pierrej92's fun fic _Emails of the DME._ It's crazy funny and you should check it out right now!

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Hermione Granger: Harry, I thought we could perhaps give this new _Hogwarts IM_ out? I must admit, it's a breath of fresh air from the constant use of owls.

Harry Potter: hi! hw gr8 is this?

Hermione Granger: Oh, Harry _please_ do not use 'txt cht', I'm not sure I can cope with deciphering it constantly.

Harry Potter: i make no promisez

Hermione Granger: Why have you spelt 'promises' with a _z_? What function does the _z_ possess?

[Harry Potter has downloaded the following _Hogwarts IM colourscheme_ from _HogwartsIMPORTAL;_ **SLYTHERINSUXRED &GOLD4LYF]**

[Harry Potter has changed his nickname to PotterSeek7]

[PotterSeek7 added Ron Weasley to the conversation]

PotterSeek7: Added da 'z' cuz it annoyz u innit

Hermione Granger: _Sigh…_ and 'SLYTHERINSUX', really? That's hardly promoting house unity, is it?

PotterSeek7: ...

Ron Weasley: HULLOOO

Ron Weasley: IM IN THE CHAT

Ron Weasley: HARRY ^^^^& HERMONEY HULLLO

PotterSeek7: Alrite m8?

Hermione Granger: Ron, do you honestly not know how to spell my name?

[Ron Weasley has changed his nickname to KINGWEASLEY]

PotterSeek7: Dnt wry m8 u'll get tha hang o it

KINGWEASLEY: HARRY I THINK MINE IS BROKEN I CAN ' T SEE SOME O F YOUUUR LETTERS IS IT WORK OKLAHOMA ?

KINGWEASLEY: WORKING OKLAHOMA

KINGWEASLEY: WORING O K

KINGWEASLEY: I MISS OWLS

Hermione Granger: You'll get there Ron, just keep practising

KINGWEASLEY: THANKS HERMIO

Hermione: HERMIO?!

KINGWEASLEY: HERMMMMMINISTER

PotterSeek7: HAHAHAHAHAA!

[Hermione Granger added Ginny Weasley to the conversation]

Ginny Weasley: Hi is this Oklahoma

Ginny Weasley: I ATE This thing

PotterSeek7: OMFG LOLLLLL

[Ginny Weasley has changed her nickname to I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease]

PotterSeek7: Nice!

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: Thx!

KINGWEASLEY: POTATO

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: Thx...I think, loser.

Hermione Granger: So I'm the only one without a stupid nickname?

PotterSeek7: U cn b HERMIO-IN-THA-HOUSE-INNIT

Hermione Granger: No, Harry

PotterSeek7: Smack-tht-Hermio-up?

Hermione Granger: Please stop, Harry.

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: HermioTheLeo?

Hermione Granger: I'm not a leo.

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: HermioTheTuxedo?

Hermione Granger: ...

PotterSeek7: Iv gt it

Hermione Granger: Harry...

PotterSkeek7: ...w8 fr it…

PotterSeek7: ...

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: ...baited breath over here!

PotterSeek7: HERMIOTHEBURRITO

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: YES!

KINGWEASLEY: YE S !

Hermione Granger: ...no.

[I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease changed Hermione Granger's nickname to HermioTheBurrito]

PotterSeek7: BBBAHAHAHAHAHA HIGH FIVE GIN!

HermioTheBurrito: What?! Ginny! Why?

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: Can't breath i'm laughing so much, soz Hermio - not even soz!

[HermioTheBurrito changed her nickname to HermioTheBurrito]

[HermioTheBurrito changed her nickname to HermioTheBurrito]

HermioTheBurrito: Ginny it won't change back!

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: I know!

KINGWEASLEY: THI IS DUCKING FUNN Y

PotterSeek7: Literally never been so happy

I'llHaveAGinChaserPlease: *bows*


	2. 2 - ALBUS MINERVA SEVERUS

Minerva McGonagall: Albus, I really must express my concerns over this new IM feature you have had installed into the castle. This is an ancient, magical building, Albus.

Albus Dumbledore: Ah, my dear Minnie, it is, alas, a bit of fun.

Minerva McGonagall: Albus, I would really rather you did not refer to me as 'Minnie', thank you.

[Albus Dumbledore has changed his nickname to _DumbleFumble_ ]

Minerva McGonagall: _Really,_ Albus? This does not seem the place to express such desires. I must say, I am rather appalled.

[DumbleFumble has downloaded the following _Hogwarts IM colourscheme_ from _HogwartsIMPORTAL;_ **ILLUMINATINGPURPLE]**

DumbleFumble: I must digress, Minnie, that you are reading too much into my choice of nickname, I simply possessed a wish to have a name that featured a whimsical rhyming element.

Minerva McGonagall: Is that so?

DumbleFumble: Indeed it is.

Minerva McGonagall: I'm sure Argus would disagree, but nonetheless, I do need to discuss the changes to my Fifth Year classes this term.

[Albus Dumbledore has changed Minerva McGonagall's nickname to _Moaning Minnie_ ]

Moaning Minnie: _Really,_ Albus? Have we resorted to such childish measures?

DumbleFumble: YOLO

Moaning Minnie: Excuse me?

DumbleFumble: Ah, I see you are not, what is it they say, ' _Down with the kids_ ', as I am.

[Moaning Minnie has changed her nickname to _Professor McGonagall_ ]

Professor McGonagall: Now Albus, I really must discuss my Fifth Years.

DumbleFumble: Soon, Minnie, is it okay if I add someone else to the chat, they'd like to discuss something with you.

Professor McGonagall sent a gif

DumbleFumble: Well, there's really no need for that, Minnie. You cannot tell me to **** off in my own school.

Professor McGonagall: _I_ did no such thing, Albus. The cat in the picture did.

DumbleFumble: You are aware that I do know what your cat form looks like, and that the backdrop of that picture is your office.

Professor McGonagall: …

[DumbleFumble added Severus Snape to the conversation]

Professor McGonagall: Really Albus?

Severus Snape: Ah, Minerva, I have been meaning to discuss something with you...and since you seem to be permanently busy, it seems I have no other option.

[Professor McGonagall has changed Severus Snape's nickname to _INeedToGetAHaircut_ ]

INeedToGetAHaircut: I _BEG_ YOUR PARDON?

Professor McGonagall: Oh, goodness me, how did that happen? My finger must have slipped.

INeedToGetAHaircut: Albus, you know I have struggled to use this blasted device, how do you change it?

DumbleFumble: I have been rendered temporarily partially blind Severus, I am aware that you have addressed me, but I'm afraid I cannot see anymore of what you hvae written.

DumbleFumble: I meant 'have'.

INeedToGetAHaircut: I thought you said you were partially blind?

DumbleFumble: ...

DumbleFumblr: ROFL

DumbleFumble: LMAO

INeedToGetAHaircut: I suppose he was telling the truth since he is now spouting unreadable nonsense. Now, Minerva will you _please_ CHANGE MY NAME TO SOMETHING MORE APPROPRIATE?

Professor McGonagall: As you wish…

[Professor McGonagall has changed INeedToGetAHaircut's nickname to INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT]

Professor McGonagall: Much better, wouldn't you say Severus?

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: This isn't funny...

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: ...Mcgonagone.

Professor McGonagall: Oh...rush me to the burn unit.

DumbleFumble: OWNED!

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: WHAT ARE YOU BOTH TALKING ABOUT!

Professor McGonagall: So, Severus, apparently you wished to discuss something with me?

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: Well, I was wondering why every time I have managed to complete my marking recently, my papers all become somehow shredded? As though by...a cat.

Professor McGonagall: Why on Earth would I know anything about that?

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: Why do I find that hard to believe?

Professor McGonagall: Well...if you desire my best guess…

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: This is ridiculous. I will get you back for this, Minerva.

Professor McGonagall: You can _try_.

[Professor McGonagall has changed her nickname to BossWitch]

INEEDTOGETAHAIRCUT: I could think of a far more apt nickname, Minerva.

BossWitch sent a gif


End file.
